You Can Be a Mom and Still Be You: Why Taking Time for Yourself Matters

By Kelsey Darcy

Motherhood has a funny way of making you forget about yourself. Not because you stop caring about yourself, but because suddenly there are so many other people to care about. At some point, it became about everyone else’s tears, joys, and milestones, and everyone forgot that it’s your first time living too. Society tells us that our jobs as moms start and end with breakfast, a ride to practice, help with homework, a diaper change, a snack, a bedtime story, or simply a little extra attention. Your days become filled with everyone else's schedules, needs, and emotions, and somewhere in the middle of all of that, you put your own needs at the very bottom of the list.

So many moms can relate to that feeling of overwhelm. You wake up already thinking about everything that needs to get done, and by the time the day is over, you realize you never really stopped, and your brain never shuts off. You took care of the kids, worked, cleaned, cooked, answered messages, handled appointments, picked up the house, and somehow managed to keep everyone else moving forward. Let’s also not forget the working moms who do all the things and still hold a 9-5. It’s when you finally have a moment to yourself, you find yourself thinking about all the things you still haven't finished instead of allowing yourself to simply rest.

There is always a reason to wait when it comes to taking care of yourself. You might tell yourself that you will make time when the kids are older, when work slows down, when the house is clean, when you have more money, when you lose some weight, or when life just feels a little less chaotic. The problem is that there will probably always be another reason to wait. There will always be another load of laundry, another appointment, another school event, another responsibility, and another person who needs you. At some point, you have to realize that if you are waiting for life to become perfectly convenient before you make time for yourself, you may be waiting forever.

When Did Taking Care of Yourself Become Something to Feel Guilty About?

I think one of the strangest things about motherhood is how easily something as simple as taking care of yourself can start to feel selfish. You can spend an entire day giving your time and energy to everyone around you, and then feel guilty for wanting an hour to yourself whether it’s to read, take a bath, get your nails done, or even just enjoy some sunshine without being needed. Without realizing it, motherhood became this idea that the only way to being a good mom means constantly putting everyone else before yourself, as if having your own needs somehow takes away from how much you love your children.

But taking care of yourself does not mean you are neglecting the people you love. There is a huge difference between being selfish and recognizing that you are a person with needs too. You are allowed to want quiet. You are allowed to want to spend time with your friends. You are allowed to get your hair done, go shopping, take a trip, have dinner without your kids, or simply sit somewhere for an hour without someone calling your name. None of those things change the fact that YOU ARE A GOOD MOM.

Your family does not need every single minute of your day in order for you to be a good, loving mother. In fact, beyond everyone else’s needs, there is something incredibly healthy about allowing yourself to have a life outside of motherhood. Your children get to see that you are a whole person with interests, friendships, goals, and things that bring you happiness. You get to show them that loving your family deeply does not mean completely losing yourself in the process. If you have a daughter, would you want to see her grow up and remember who she is outside of being a mom?

You Were a Woman Before You Were Mom

At one point, you were simply you. You had your own interests, your own style, your own dreams, and your own idea of what you wanted your life to look like. You probably had favorite places to go, clothes that made you feel good, hobbies you enjoyed, and things you did simply because they made you happy. Then motherhood came along and, for so many women, the entire world shifted. Your priorities changed, your schedule changed, your body changed, and suddenly there was another person who mattered more to you than you ever thought possible. This does not mean you hate motherhood or would go back and undo it, but it is okay to admit that it is overwhelming. It is okay to admit that your mom made it look like grand-slam and you now understand what she went through.

There is something incredibly beautiful about that transformation. Becoming a mom can completely change your perspective on life, and watching your children grow can be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have. But loving your role as a mother does not mean you have to completely let go of the woman you were before. You can love being a mom and still want time to yourself. You can be incredibly grateful for your children and still miss parts of your old life. You can be completely devoted to your family while still having dreams and interests that belong only to you.

Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on mothers to make motherhood their entire identity that we forget how important it is to maintain who you were before. Your children are a huge part of your story, but they are not the entirety of it. You are still growing, changing, learning, and figuring out who you are. You are allowed to discover new things about yourself even after becoming a mom, and you are allowed to make room for the parts of yourself that may have gotten a little lost along the way.

The Mom Who Is Always Behind the Camera

This is something I think about often because of the work I do. Moms are so often the ones taking the pictures. They are documenting birthdays, holidays, vacations, first days of school, family trips, little milestones, and everyday moments that they know they will want to remember someday. They make sure everyone else is in the frame, but when they look back through their camera roll, they sometimes realize something pretty important is missing.

They are missing.

Maybe Mom is in a few pictures, but she is usually holding someone, fixing someone's hair, standing behind the camera, or trying to get everyone else to smile. Maybe she has told herself she will get in the pictures when she loses the baby weight or when she feels better about her body. Maybe she doesn't like having her picture taken because she doesn't feel like herself anymore. Maybe she keeps saying she will do it next time, and eventually years pass without her realizing just how few photographs she has of herself with the people she loves most.

I think we sometimes underestimate how important those photographs are. Your children are not going to look at an old photograph and worry about whether you looked ten pounds heavier than you wanted to or whether your hair was perfectly styled. They are going to see their mom. They are going to see the person who was there for them, who loved them, who raised them, who made memories with them. They are going to want to remember what you looked like, what you smiled like, and what it felt like to have you there.

You deserve to be in those memories too.

You Don't Have to Wait Until You Feel Like Yourself Again

I hear so many women talk about waiting until they feel like themselves again. Maybe they are waiting until their body changes, their children get older, their schedule becomes easier, or they finally have the energy to focus on themselves.The biggest thing I hear? “I can’t afford to spend money on myself because my kids need..” While yes, money does not grow on trees and sometimes finances get in the way. But you can always make more money. You cannot go back in time and long for something that does not exist anymore. There is this idea that one day everything will fall into place and they will suddenly wake up feeling confident and comfortable in their own skin again. But what if you do not have to wait for that day?

What if the woman you are right now is worth celebrating too?

Motherhood changes your body in ways that can sometimes be difficult to accept. You may have stretch marks, scars, changes in your weight, changes in your shape, or parts of yourself that look completely different than they did before you had children. It is easy to focus on everything you wish you could change, especially when so much of the world tells women that they should constantly be working toward a different version of themselves. But your body has also carried you through your life. It has carried your children, held them, cared for them, and gotten you through days when you were exhausted and still had to keep going.

You do not have to become the woman you were before motherhood in order to deserve to feel beautiful again. You are not supposed to be the exact same person you were years ago. You have experienced things, grown through things, and changed in ways that have shaped who you are today. Instead of constantly trying to get back to who you used to be, maybe it is time to get to know who you are now.

Sometimes You Just Need to Feel Like a Woman Again

There is something really special about having time where nobody needs anything from you. As a mom, so much of your day can be spent giving your time, attention, energy, patience, and love to other people. You become accustomed to being the one everyone turns to, which can make it feel almost strange when someone else is taking care of you. Sometimes you do not need another task or another responsibility. Sometimes you simply need an opportunity to breathe and remember what it feels like to be taken care of.

That is one of the things I love about a boudoir experience. For a few hours, you get to step away from the responsibilities that normally fill your day. You can sit down, have your hair and makeup done, put on something that makes you feel beautiful, laugh, relax, and enjoy being the person everyone else is taking care of for once. You do not have to think about dinner, laundry, school schedules, or what needs to happen next. You get to simply exist as yourself.

For some women, that can feel incredibly powerful. It is not about escaping motherhood or pretending you are not a mom. It is about remembering that being a mom is only one part of who you are. You are also a woman who deserves to feel beautiful, confident, feminine, playful, sexy, and comfortable in her own skin. You deserve to experience what it feels like to be seen without needing to do something for someone else first.

Your Children Don't Need You to Disappear

One of the biggest misconceptions about taking time for yourself is that you are taking something away from your children. I actually think the opposite can be true. Your children are watching how you treat yourself, and they are learning from the way you talk about your body, your needs, your boundaries, and your worth. When they see you constantly putting yourself last, they may begin to believe that taking care of yourself is something you only get to do when everyone else is taken care of first.

Imagine instead that your children grow up seeing you make time for yourself without apologizing for it. They see you spend time with your friends, pursue your interests, take care of your body, laugh, travel, dress up, and do things simply because they make you happy. They learn that being a good mother does not require you to stop being a person. They learn that you can love your family deeply while still respecting your own needs.

I think that is a pretty powerful lesson.

You are not teaching your children that they matter less when you take care of yourself. You are teaching them that everyone matters, including you.

You Don't Have to Earn Time for Yourself

I think this is one of the hardest things for moms to accept. You do not have to finish everything before you are allowed to take a break. The house does not have to be spotless, every email does not have to be answered, the laundry does not have to be folded, and every responsibility does not have to be checked off your list before you are allowed to do something for yourself.

Your to-do list will never truly be finished. There will always be something else waiting for you. If you make yourself wait until everything is done, you will continue putting yourself off indefinitely.

You also do not need to justify why you want something. You do not need to have a birthday coming up or a milestone to celebrate. You do not need to lose weight first or accomplish something important before deciding that you deserve photographs of yourself. You are allowed to do something simply because you want to.

Sometimes that is enough of a reason.

Your Kids Are Going to Grow Up

I know this is probably something every mom has heard a thousand times, but it really does go quickly. The baby who needs you for everything eventually becomes the toddler who wants to do things independently. The toddler becomes a child, the child becomes a teenager, and eventually they start creating lives that do not revolve around you in the same way they once did.

That is what we want for them. We want them to grow up, become independent, find their passions, build relationships, and create lives that make them happy. But when that happens, I hope you still have a life that feels like yours, too. I hope you still know what makes you happy and what makes you laugh. I hope you still have friendships, dreams, hobbies, and things that you look forward to.

Motherhood is an incredibly important chapter of your life, but it is not the entire book. There are still so many chapters ahead of you, and you do not have to wait until your children are grown to start living them. You can start making room for yourself now.

Take the Picture, Mom

Maybe taking time for yourself does not look like a boudoir session. Maybe it looks like going out to dinner with your girlfriends, taking a weekend trip, getting your hair done, reading a book, starting a new hobby, going back to school, or simply sitting somewhere quietly with a cup of coffee while nobody asks you for anything. Whatever it looks like for you, I hope you give yourself permission to make room for it.

And if taking time for yourself means stepping in front of a camera and celebrating the woman you've become, I hope you know that you do not have to wait until you look different. You do not have to wait until your children are older, until you lose the weight, until your schedule becomes easier, or until you finally feel completely confident. You can celebrate yourself in the middle of the beautiful, messy, exhausting, wonderful season you are actually living in.

Your children deserve photographs with you in them. Your family deserves to remember the woman behind the camera, not just the person who spent years making sure everyone else was included. Most importantly, you deserve those photographs for yourself. Years from now, you should be able to look back and see more than the mom who was always busy taking care of everyone else. You should be able to see the woman who was there, who was living, who was laughing, who was growing, and who was doing her best to enjoy the life she was building.

Taking care of yourself does not make you less of a mom. It does not mean your family matters less. It simply means you recognize that you matter too.

So take the picture. Give yourself the afternoon. Buy the dress you've been eyeing. Go to dinner with your friends. Do something that makes you feel like yourself again. Let yourself be more than the person who takes care of everyone else.

You can be a mom and still be you. And you never have to apologize for that. Start finding time for yourself. Book the boudoir session and I promise you won’t regret it.